The Not-So-Fine Print

It's been on my heart to expand on the recent articles I wrote for both my own blog as well as The Inclusive Church blog.

I was also asked to Guest Post for another (Children's Ministry) blog in August 2011.

I've been hesitant but after much prayer--and a few insightful conversations--I've decided that if there is any chance I have something to share that will encourage even one church, one family, one person...I need to share it.

And so...my official unofficial disclaimer {the not-so-fine print}:

I am passionate about a few things.  Disabilities Ministry is one of those things.  It is my hope to offer encouragement to families affected by special needs, individuals wanting to get involved and churches looking to build/expand their Disabilities Ministries.  I share in an effort to raise awareness.  I share with a desire to give a voice to the voiceless.  However I am definitely not qualified to offer anything more than my heart for these families.  What I share are my personal thoughts/opinions only--unless otherwise stated.  Finally, please know that nothing I write is meant to apply to every situation and if generalizations are made that cause hurt or offend you in any way...I sincerely apologize.

-Cassi

Guest Post on The Inclusive Church Blog {5 Things I Learned...}

Last week I was asked by Amy Fenton Lee, founder of The Inclusive Church, to guest post on her blog.

(Just so you know - Amy does a fantastic job providing information and resources for special needs inclusion.  Check out this post "The Premise of The Inclusive Church Blog" for more information.)

My initial response: no way.  

Not because I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of writing for Amy.  Because I was.

But I haven’t written anything “formal” since my high school paper.  And that was a couple few years ago.

However I realized I'd be closing the door on an opportunity to contribute--in a very small way--to Disabilities/Inclusion Awareness.

So instead I said:  absolutely.

I need to be completely upfront.

Totally transparent.   

Brutally honest.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I’m not qualified to write...especially on this topic.

I don't have an education and/or background in special needs and I had absolutely no experience in ministry prior to the last six months or so.

What I can share is my heart for these precious children and their families.

But that's all I've got. 

You can read my post on The Inclusive Church website:
5 Things I Learned After Becoming Involved in Disabilities Ministry 

-Cassi

Ministering to Parents of Children with Special Needs {Practical ways YOU can make a difference}

{Notice Them}

Our parents taught us not to stare. Most likely we are teaching our children that very same thing.

Which is good.

Because it's not polite to stare...at anyone.

However, intentionally turning away or telling your children to turn away could also be considered poor manners.

Instead, encourage your children to make eye contact and smile.

Don't shush them when they ask "Mommy, what's wrong with that boy?"

Instead, answer their question.

"Nothing is wrong sweetie. God made him special just like you are special. It looks like he even likes the same ice cream flavor as you!"

{Say Something}

Don't miss the opportunity to know them because you think you don't have the right words.

The fact that their child has a disability does not mean it's the only thing they want to talk about.

"Where do you attend church?"
"Cute jacket! Where did you find it?"
"So how about those [insert sports team]?"

Simple right?


{Speak Directly to their Child}

It can sometimes feel more comfortable to speak about them, rather than speaking to them. It's important that you make the effort.

Don't say - "How was John's day at school?"
Do say - "Hi John! How was school?"

John's parent/caregiver will let you know if he is not able to understand but even if he does not respond...keep acknowledging him in this meaningful way!

{Ask Parents How They're Really Doing}

You may hesitate to ask how things are going at home because you don't want to bring raw emotions to the surface but--trust me--these parents don't need you to remind them of their circumstances.

They remember.

Asking shows you care.

{Listen}

If you really want to understand someone you have to start listening to them.

Listening…not waiting to talk.

Most often we go into a conversation knowing exactly what we want to say. We tune in and out of what the other person is sharing waiting for our chance to chime in.

Try beginning a conversation with nothing more than a listening ear and a loving heart.

{Don't Offer Advice}

Unless you are an expert on their specific disability please don't think that you know more than they do about their child.

Even if you are an expert "in the industry" chances are they still know more about their child than you.

If they ask for your opinion...feel free to give it. If they don't....they probably don't want it.

{Offer Specific Help/Support}

If you truly want to help, decide on something very specific that you are willing/able to do...and offer that.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

Most parents will never let you know.

Maybe they are too proud or maybe they are just plain tired.

Make it simple -- Tell them what you can do, when you can do it and how you'll get it done.

Example: I'll come over on Monday and we'll cook/freeze some meals for the rest of the week. I'll pick up groceries on my way. Email me your list!

{Pray, Pray, Pray}

Pray for them. Pray for their loved ones. And pray for yourself.

Pray that God would give you eyes to see all people just as He sees them.

Pray that He would give you the courage to love like Jesus.

As a Children's Ministry teacher, assistant or parent...please pray that God would give you discernment to see these children as the precious gifts they are and not as a distraction.

As we attempt to fulfill our calling in planting spiritual seeds in the hearts of God's children, we need to remember that we are called to minister to the heart of EVERY child.

What better seed to plant than caring for and loving these sweet children.

Special needs and all.

-Cassi